End Of The Road. A Few Days In The Life…

These are multiple-part excerpts from my personal journal while on vision quest after a serious health diagnosis.

Day 82. Thursday.

I refuse to believe that emotions divide me. And that I am divided if I have emotions.

Day 90. Saturday.

The ocean makes everything better. Ocean heals. What a strange difficult day. I forgot everything about practice or so it seems. Really having doubts about flying back east. I have no excitement in me. I'm analyzing the phenomenon and not open about it. As soon as I was fully wet in the ocean though everything came on line again. Switch the lens. Go to the ocean. Or wherever it is in nature that gets you in the zone.

Day 91. Sunday.

As soon as I boarded the plane everything calmed in me. No choice. Resolute. This makes life so clear this way because there's nothing to argue anymore. Unless arguing with mortality brings joy and satisfaction. Not for me. I tend to experience it the other way... letting go. Deep stillness when there's no holding on. What's to hold on to anyway. Close the hatch we're boarding.

I'm so glad I came out here. It's the first time I've seen my parents since the diagnosis, since launching into what I call really living and, my “own” life. Happy to see them happy to see them, only joy for what I have. And I’ve not focused even an iota on what's wrong or missing. Gratitude is self-generous and healing.

Day 92. Monday.

If you want to really have a good look at your stuff, spend some time with family. If you want to know where you're at and how much you've awakened, spend some time with family. If you want to practice loving yourself, spend some time with family. If you want to know where you're spiritual work is, spend some time with family.

Day 93. Tuesday.

Open Mind is always existing. There's no shutting of the mind just an apparent phenomenon of something we call 'closed-mindedness'.

You are loved.